The importance of family
how a great loss can bring you closer together
What’s up everyone, it’s the Jarl StijnFawkes here.
Since my last article was so depressing I want to make this a lighter one. The topic comes forth from the tragic events that have befallen my family lately but I want to try and give a more positive spin on it.
Always look on the bright side of life and all that.
My family from father’s side has always had some issues with liking and disliking each other. There are some issues that are most likely to be generational and possibly inherited through their DNA. It’s one of the things I am trying to avoid doing or becoming. I have seen the results of it first hand of what it can do when a family falls apart.
Especially since my dear brother’s passing things haven’t been particularly easy within the household I grew up in.
I know I said I was going to keep it light. Bear with me. I know this isn’t really light but I’m getting to it.
As youthlings my brother, my sister and myself haven’t always gotten along well. There were plenty of fights, shouting matches and the likes. This continued well into my 20’s because I was really struggling with myself, my environment and the fact I started seeing and noticing things about this world that left me feeling powerless and in despair.
I am in my 30’s now and luckily I can say that we managed to resolve a lot of these issues as siblings or at the very least that we have decided that our love for each other is greater and holds more significance than the issues we may have had in the past.
Unfortunately my brother was dealing with a little more than just that… I don’t want to repeat what happened in every article so just scroll a few back and you’ll find the answer.
But with that said, what happened to my brother made the rest of us realize even more the importance of family. How important it is to be with each other. Even if it’s just for dinner. Even if it’s just to see a movie in theaters. Even if it’s just a phone call to check up and check in on how you’re doing.
Lately I have been doing more things with my dad. We’ve been struggling with our relationship when I was a bit younger and haven’t always seen eye to eye. Father and son, we look too much alike and are both stubborn AF (just ask FireFae, she’ll tell you). But especially since I have become a father myself and seen and lived through many of - what I assume are the same or similar struggles - I have gained a better understanding and greater respect for both my parents and especially my father.
It’s the age old “you’re starting to sound like your father” or “you’re dad always did the same thing when he was younger”. It’s a cliché but it’s true. I have caught myself more than once repeating the same things that my father always used to tell me, only this time towards my own children.
Especially now that my dad is getting closer to his retirement and he has a lot more time to kill I am getting more messages and phone calls asking if I’d like to go the cinema and watch the latest block buster.
Usually I don’t really care for the movie we’re going to watch since Hollywood’s creative juices seemed to have dried up, but I know that’s not why dad is asking me. He just wants to spend time with his eldest son. Just a guys night out with a movie you don’t have to think about too much and a bucket of popcorn and a drink.
Or yellow M&M’s and some flavored water in my dad’s case. He’s a man of habits.
And honestly, I very much enjoy those evenings. My dad has always worked his butt off (and even then he has plenty left… (sorry dad, I had to xD)) to provide for his wife and his children so he deserves this. He deserves some time off, he deserves to spend every moment he has with his children (and grandchildren of course).
My mom does similar things with my sister. A girls night out, or hours on the phone, or starting similar projects so that they can do them together and have an excuse to talk even more. You know, girl stuff. I mean… I think that’s girl stuff?
Ladies, help me out here cause IDK…
We have even gone so far as to walk the half marathon (that’s 21km or 46 miles) for charity!
(yes, walk, you won’t see me running…)
My dad is involved with a charity that helps children with a disability and the walk is one of the means that they promote their cause and raise funds to help those children with whatever it is that they might need.
My dad, in his 60’s, with a belly that says “I am eating well” and me, in my 30’s with bad knees and no real preparation, training or even a warming up. We managed to finish but came to the agreement that once a year is plenty, and the half marathon was more than plenty.
The reason I said I was going to do it with him is because I know he could use the moral (perhaps even physical) support and because it’s just one more thing I can do with him. I was in no way prepared for it, overestimated myself, underestimated the physicality, but it’s a for charity and for my dad. So I did it anyway.
What I want to say is that even though we have gone through too much hardship over the last few years it only made us grow closer and realize the importance of family.
Love them while they’re still here. Spend all the time you can with them. Time is a fickle thing and it can be over before you know it.
I would much rather be sore, have trouble going up and down the stairs because I overexerted myself but be happy of what my dad and I have accomplished then let it go by because it’s too hard, or too physical or simply just “not for me”.
Mom, dad, I know you’re reading this and I just want to say thank you and I love you.
And yes I’ll make sure to bring back all the food containers I “borrowed” next time I’m coming over.
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Until next time!
Europa Invicta,
StijnFawkes
I know this feeling all to well.
I am also the eldest son, and I have a younger brother and sister. We may not always see eye to eye, but we are always family.
When my mom calls for a Sunday dinner, we all show up, and eat together. Forgetting our differences if only for 2 hours.
The little things are important.
And... Time is the one resource that can not be replaced once it's gone.
You can make and lose fortunes, only to make them back again. Houses can be rebuilt, and cars repaired. But that lost time with friends and family, is gone forever.